Learning to Just... BE.

Does anyone else out there feel socially retarded every single day of their life?  I feel like I should be wearing a helmet and eating crayons or something.  I really love my church family - through them, I can see the hand of God doing tremendous things and they have all mirrored Christ's love in one way or another.  If God had not seen fit to bring me to this church, I can't even imagine how horrible life would be right now.  God has provided me with brothers and sisters in Christ who love me more than my own family ever did, but as humans do, I feel like I mess up the relationship so much.  I'm still somewhat reclusive and recovering from that issue, so that definitely affects how I reach out to the other ladies in church who are all wonderful and a tremendous blessing.  God has also provided me with godly brothers that I never had.  Romans 12:5 says "So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another."  I have no idea how to interact with my brothers (sisters too sometimes) in Christ!  I'm praying that God will help me find this balance which allows me to be comfortable because there are some great leaders in this church.  I've always been used to men either being abusive, prideful, stubborn, control freaks with a god-complex, or just... being "boys."  The Lord is providing me with all sorts of opportunities to learn and discover what it's meant to be like to have healthy fellowship with the body of believers but holy crud it's difficult!!  Through everything, whether it's a small, silly problem or a big one, my God is doing a tremendous work in my heart and though there are days where I feel like the seed being thrown into shallow soil where I'll flourish for a little while then burn up, He's still there guiding.