Lately I've been feeling like nobody in their right mind would ever want to love someone like me. I have quite a vile past that makes me feel disgusting and unlovable, and my mind tries to tell me that even a godly man would view me as a burden or obstacle they wouldn't want to approach because it wouldn't be worth their time. I'd be too difficult. I've been trying to remind myself that this is most certainly not how my heavenly Father views me. He looks at me like a treasured daughter whom He loves and gave His life for to save. It wasn't until a dear friend of mine whom I cherish reminded me of a parable that Jesus told to the hypocrites he was dealing with at the time. Jesus had entered a house as a guest and the host had refused to perform customary courtesies that included washing the feet of those who entered because they wore sandals and their feet got dirty on the road. Instead, a prostitute who was hated in that culture came in, cried on Jesus' feet, wiped the tears away with her hair, then anointed him with some extremely expensive perfume because she understood what God's forgiveness meant for her. When the Pharisee saw this, he got all uppity about it because he was judging her for her past, so Jesus turned to him and told him a story. Basically, one guy owed 50 bucks and another guy owed 2,000 bucks to one man, but the man forgave both of their debts. Jesus asked those around Him which of the debtors would be the most grateful, to which the obvious answer was "the guy who owed 2 grand." Spot on. The prostitute who wept over Jesus's feet and wiped off the grime with her own hair made me realize that those with a huge past who are FORGIVEN have so much more to be grateful for, therefore their love for God is GREATER than someone who was forgiven for very little. Yes, I have been sexually abused hundreds of times in dozens of different ways, but that does not make me unlovable. It does not make me filthy. It does NOT mean that I am worth less than another person. It certainly does not mean that I am a burden or obstacle that should be avoided. What it DOES show is that because more grace has been thrown my way than to those who feel as though they have the right to cast people down, I am that much more thankful to God for His tremendous gift. When people look at me, I want them to see Christ through my thoughts, words, and actions. Now when I look at myself, I can see a beautiful daughter of the King who has been redeemed, who definitely does have a past... But now I have a past that is being used for God's glory. I had to wade through the muck which the Lord graciously allowed me to endure so that it can be used for good. "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." I am valuable, I am cherished, and my past is exactly that: the past. All of my sins and all of the burdens I carry have been put to death through Christ's work on the cross and I can walk forward now as a NEW CREATION! I don't know why God chose to love me but He did and now I can rejoice over all the suffering I've had and will still go through because my suffering makes me so much more thankful for this gift. I am changed and I boast in my sufferings because it has quite clearly shown the sheer power of God. Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!
Scripture: Luke 7, Romans 8:28, 2 Corinthians 12:8-10.
